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I feel the weight of my mascara as I look down my silky legs, why do anotice and enjoy these feelings? Why does time slow when I am dressed infemale finery? I don't feel the stresses of life, I have the guilt of mydesire for the simple attraction to enjoy femininity, why do I feel thisway?My mind had wondered, Val caught my attention. "What are you thinkingabout?I pause for a second, I don't usually divulge my feelings, I stressinternally.I look into Val's eyes.I was thinking about why I like the simple things women have in theirlives that men don't. Why do I not spend hours looking at football stats?I love sports, I just don't want to spend every moment on them, I love toescape to what many women hate.So many women I know hate wearing makeup, hate wearing pantyhose andheels. I am sure I have more lingerie than they do. This is such an oddplace for me to focus, this enjoyment with feminine things I love issocially perverse. Why do I care?Val sits and smiles as I unload years of. It helped; it made me feel as high as a kite once more. I pushed the bad thoughts and negative emotions to the pit of my stomach and buried them. Malachar was right; there would be time for guilt and grief later. That was the luxury of surviving. You could wallow in misery at your convenience. Now was the time to celebrate, so I let the victorious part of what I was feeling wash over me, swamping me with renewed exhilaration, determined to feel only positive emotions for the rest of the night.I understand, son, I wish that for you too, but reality is a cruel mistress. Enjoy the moments like these, m’boy. Because it is these very memories that you will come to treasure, and when times get dark, it’ll be moments like this that will give you strength. Like you just told me to do, look at them, m’boy. Observe them laughing and feeling carefree; see the delight in them. Relish how they look so young and fresh, snapshot this and keep it safe deep inside.I watched my Mom and Sheila flirt.
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